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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Drink recipe of the day

1.25oz of Cuervo
1oz of olive juice
1oz of sweet n sour mix

shaken over ice and poured straight up in a chilled martini glass.

Backpacks and Dance Clubs

I worked in a dance club as a bartender for around 16 months. I never really frequented a dance club before working in one because the atmosphere always seemed to be something that resembled a bunch of horny monkeys locked in a cage. Now that I am a single I do understand why the dance club is a go to bar for the average single person on a Saturday evening. The dating game is not always easy and sometimes it can be frustrating trying to figure out who is single and who is not, when just drinking at a local sports bar. When you walk into a dance club the playing field is cut and dry, everyone is there to get laid. I watched for months the single people come out to the dance club where I worked and release their mating calls. It was always extremely entertaining while I was at a safe distance from the wild breeding game behind my bar. Now that I have been released into the wild I have found that the most annoying aspect of the dance club is what I like to call the Backpack.
I used to watch this happen all of the time to my single girlfriends. They would always complain about the men who frequent dance clubs and listen to them bitch about how they could not dance without getting man handled. I never had that problem while working at the dance club, because I had a team of bouncers watching my every move. I was always safe and every man in the bar knew they were not allowed to molest me because I not only worked there, but was married to the owner. I now know and have experienced firsthand what my girlfriends were talking about all of this time, and it is truly annoying.
This is how a backpack is usually acquired at a bar; a girl is dancing with her girlfriends. She is looking around the bar for a decent looking guy to have some fun with. The girl is usually throwing out her best dance moves, having what I like to call air sex with her girlfriends. This usually works in getting a guys attention, hopefully for the girl it is the guy she had her sights set on. The air sex is the best way to ask a guy to dance, without having to actually ask. This air sex however should come with a warning label. The warning label should read: beware of air sex because it often draws the attention of all of the backpacks in the club.
The definition of a backpack is as follows; a guy who gets behind a girl while on the dance floor, slips his hands onto her sides or hips, and then proceeds to act as though he is a backpack while grinding his groin area on her ass. The backpack is especially bad when it is locked position, allowing no room for escape. Usually when the backpack is in fully locked position it is impossible for the girl to even turn and get a look at whom is dry humping her from the rear. This is the worst, because any backpack in fully locked position is usually best in the brand classification of an East-Port rather than a Swiss Army.
There are three major problems with the average backpacker. First, they are ugly. So ugly in fact that the only chance they have of scoring at the dance club, is to find the drunkest girl and get them out of the building before the ugly lights are flipped in the on position. Second, they have no style. These are the guys who get their clothing style from K-fed, Jersey Shore, and or Saved by the Bell (the original series). Third, they cannot dance. I call them a backpack instead of a fanny pack for a reason. These boys latch onto the girl’s ass and proceed to have a seizure on it. They have no rhythm and somehow manage to step on your feet while dancing behind you. They dare not dance in front of the girl because their dance moves are that bad.
So, how does one get rid of a backpack at a dance club? Well there are a few options. First be very cautious of the air sex when using it at the dance club. Check out and calculate the number of douche bags versus normal guys. If the douche bags out-number the normal guys, don’t use the air sex. Second, throw elbows. This is a little more aggressive approach, but it is usually effective at getting the point across. A third option would be to bring a guy friend to scare off any lurking backpacks.