Saturday, July 17, 2010


Every day walking down the streets of San Diego I am surprised at what young girls are wearing these days. Apparently it is now in style to wear tights as pants, underwear as shorts, and T-shirts as dresses. I guess we have the retired Mickey Mouse cast to thank for all of these fashion trends.
When I lived back in the Mid-west the girls were a little behind the times when it came to fashion. Then I started running a dance club. Even the girls in this small town mid-west dance club came out dressed like fashionista's. I feel a little bad in hind sight making fun of all of those girls who wore T-shirts as dresses; because it appears that it is in style.
From a bartender’s sober perspective, here are some things that are wrong with wearing a T-shit as a dress especially when going out to dance.
First, only a handful of rail thin girls can wear this and still look good. I am a small individual myself, and I could not pull off this look. In order to wear a T-shirt as a dress one must have no cellulite, perky boobs, and long legs. I promise the girls in the magazines have all been airbrushed. So unless you are sixteen years old with the perfect body, the T-shirt dress should be left at home. If your girlfriends tell you that this is a good look for you, they are more than likely eliminating their competition for the evening. Don’t trust any friend who tells you that you look good wearing a T-shirt as a dress, especially accompanied by UGG boots.
The second reason for not wearing a T-shirt as a dress is because no one wants to see your beef curtains flapping to the “Cupid Shuffle”. While working behind the bar, my fellow bartenders and I would make a game out of how many we could spot. We even had our own sign language to alert one another if we had seen one, if the music was too loud to yell over. If you are even considering doing the “Stanky Leg” at a dance club; wearing a T-shirt as a dress, please stop and think about whom you really want seeing your vagina. If the answer is an entire dance club, then more power to you. But please keep in mind and be considerate to the poor sober bartenders getting you liquored up, and face it away from the bar.
The third reason one should not wear a T-shirt as a dress is because it attracts the ever dreaded “backpackers”. If you have chosen to go ahead wear the T-shirt to the dance club, beware. There are a multitude of guys lurking the dance clubs looking for the girls who wear these T-shirts. It is like wearing a sign on your back that says, “I have my vagina out, so please come hump dance my back”. Keep in mind that “backpackers” are a special breed of unattractive men who try and dry hump you from behind, in a locked and loaded position. So if you do not want attention from the “love dungeon” old men (we all know some) and or the “backpackers”, once again, leave the T-shirts at home.
I will give my final reason for not wearing the T-shirt as a dress through a story about a fellow bartender of mine; take from it what you will. When I moved back from Detroit I held a job at a chain restaurant for a short period of time, the transition job, if you will. I bartended with a girl who was an amazing person, she was skinny, cute, and nice. She was one of the only people who were nice to me at that job, hence the short period of employment. Years later when opening up my own bar, she was one of the first people I hired. This girl was still attractive and nice, but definitely not twenty-one years old anymore.
Shortly after the bar took off she decided that she would push the envelope with her outfits. We let the girls pretty much wear whatever they wanted as long as it was night club attire. She was one of the first to break out the T-shirt as a dress outfits in that town. Keep in mind she qualified for all three of the reasons “not to” in the previous paragraphs. And as expected other people followed her new fashion trend.
Eventually the T-shirts got shorter and she would even sometimes break out the tank tops. The shorter the T-shirt the more people would talk shit about her. I do not know how many of the rumors were true, but there were a lot to pick from. This brought out the worst in her; she started hating the customers and her fellow bartenders. She began fighting with female bar guests over their boyfriends. Then she began fighting with the bartenders, which eventually led to her stealing their money, and her termination with our company. Although there were girls that followed her fashion trend, they never dared to take it as far as she did. No one knows what rumors were true and false about this girl, but we all know the stemmed from wearing those damn T-shirts. So girls beware; the guys at the dance club might enjoy seeing you in the T-shirts, but their girlfriends never will.
So ladies if you want to start a trend and look sexy when out at the dance clubs, please take into consideration that there are other people that have to look at you. If you are confident enough with yourself to wear a T-shirt for a dress, then do it. Just take these paragraphs as a warning; I have seen no good come from the T-shit in place of a dress at a dance club. Also please keep in mind when you wake up the next day and take your “jager-bomb goggles” off, I told you so… “Backpackers” are ugly as shit!

Drink recipe of the day

Choclate -cherry martini
1oz three olives chocolate vodka
1oz three olive cherry vodka
splash grenadine
splash chocolate syrup

serve chilled in a martini glass